I Prescribe: Plush Aquarium

For: Fish killers, Algaephobes, lazy pet owners

Prescriber’s Notes: Every fish you toss into your aquarium meets a premature death. What?! You can’t be expected to remember to feed them and clean the tank! You have a life and better stuff to do than be responsible for other living things. Ugh. Those damn fish are so demanding! Plush pets make the best pets cause they won’t pester you for care, feeding or die on you and force you to waste more of your precious time removing their floating carcass from the tank.