Sure you could just just snork up any old bar in a pinch, but here at Popshopology we are about *precision* treatments. And we’re into chocolate. But not just any chocolate.

Little Debbie Swiss Rolls

For: Flat Tires and other unexpected calamities

Notes: You were on a roll and then you got a flat. Suddenly you are in a dark place, stranded, the middle of the night. How much worse could it get? You need the kind of reassurance in modern technology and food preservation techniques that is only sold in vending machines at all nite gas station quick marts. You’ll work it off/detox tomorrow. Caution: do not ingest with Cheetoes or other high fat salty snack! May cause nausea and self loathing if used improperly.

Cadbury MilK Bar

For: Disappointment, Rejection, Bad News

Notes: This British Milk Bar is perfect for those times when you are feeling like throwing yourself a pity party.  It’s at least as much about the sugar as it is about the chocolate. Cadbury has that perfect slow sugary melt-in-your-mouth consistancy that short circuits your depression cycle. At least while you’re eating it. The cocoa will hopefully contribute to your sense of wellbeing for a little longer. Side effects may include shakes, nausea and  sobbing due to subsequent sugar low. Use with caution.

Vosges Mix and Match Mini Chocolate Bars

For: Extenuating Circumstances, DIY Types

Notes: Sometimes you don’t know exactly what you need, but you know it involves chocolate. For those who like to dabble in alchemy and are not afraid of a little trial and error, we present the Vosges mix and match collection. Perhaps a little dark chocolate with bacon will get you over being dragged camping in the rain. Or some Habenero pepper chocolate will hit the spot when your boyfriends cute bff hits on you and you know you can’t have him. Spicy!

Dagoba Organic Chocolate

For: Corruption, Pollution, Self Righteous Chocolatification

Notes: It’s not a treat, it’s a public health issue. This is the chocolate to eat after getting a bogus parking ticket or when LA is burning. Perfect (in small doses) for pregnant moms too. This chocolate is so socially responsible it’s almost your duty to eat it. Perfect for getting stuck with jury duty too, incidentally. Have your chocolate and feel superior about it too!

Godiva Chocolates

For: Deprivation, Entitlement Issues, The Economy

Notes: You’ve given up your monthly highlights, weekly manicure and gas guzzling custom SUV. There’s talk of downsizing your handbag budget now and the maid is only coming every other week?! Oh honey, times are tough. You need a little treat. Make yourself feel a little more human. And posh. Go on. Look to the gold box.

Bloomsbury Chocolate Co.

For: General Emergencies, Maladies, Afflictions of any kind

Notes: Take two squares and call me in the morning. This humorous chocolate company has a wittily, prettily wrapped bar at the ready for just about any compromising situation you can think of – from the bedroom to the boardroom to beyond. They bring a tear to my eye in that they “get it”, they truly do. Bonus points for being funny. Retail therapy AND Chocolate therapy all in one? That’s making the world a better place!

Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups

For: Exasperation, Exhaustion, Motherhood

Notes: You know those days when the kids won’t stop whacking each other on the head, the dog craps in the living room, the garbage disposal backs up, your spouse is out of town and your mom calls to tell you that you don’t make enough healthy home cooked meals for her grandchildren?  Yeah. That’s why we have Halloween. So we can stockpile a sufficient stash of these to make it through the next six months. They work better if slightly smushed from storage and when consumed in a closet, bathroom or back porch when the kids are not looking. Use sparingly.

Got a Choco-Therapeutic recommendation for us? Please leave your favorite remedy for us in the comments below! We’ll be updating the Choco Pharmacopia in the months to come, and may want to include your chocolate retail therapy suggestions in our next edition!