I Prescribe: Dark Chocolate Hershey’s Sticks

For: Dieters, Chocolate addicts

Prescriber’s Notes: Get your chocolate fix in a straw shape for 60 calories! You will never draw the short straw from this bunch- they’re all winners.

I Prescribe: Breakfast Floss

For: Anorexia, Deprivation, Revenge

Prescriber’s Notes: We all know how rushed we can be in the morning. Now you can have your breakfast and take care of your dental health all at the same time. Finally, a way to have coffee without staining your teeth. Also great for your waistline. Living well through flavored floss is the best revenge.

I Prescribe: Epi-No

For: Maternal Preparation, Postpartum Recovery, Incontinence, Loneliness

Prescriber’s Notes: Practicing your kegels may not be as simple as we’ll have you to believe, but the difference is noticable. The Epi-No has been found to decrease the need for delivery medication, episiotomy and more. And post-partum, you’ll find sneezing to be a lot less a mess. Not to mention your bed-partner may be enthused with the results, especially as you compete with your own numbers to increase your strength.  <Sorry, American Citizens. I can only prescribe the EPI-NO to Canadians>

I prescribe: Meat Medley Pillows

For: Laying down with Dogs, High cholesterol, Atkins dieters

Prescriber’s Notes: Here’s a big juicy steak for you…to lounge on. Why eat meat when you can cuddle it instead?

I Prescribe: Chanel Aqualumiere Lip Gloss

For: Deprivation, Glam Deficiency

Prescriber’s Notes: My friend Maria swears that Chanel lip gloss is the ultimate pick-me-up and will make everything tolerable. I tend to believe her. What wouldn’t be made better with a coat of Party Red slathered on it? Kiss kiss!

I Prescribe: Farmhouse Fresh Honey Heel Glaze

For: Deprivation, Pouting, Moodiness

Prescriber’s Notes: Haven’t had enough me time lately? The sweet smells of honey and cloves will have you feeling pampered and the moisturizing qualities of this foot treat will have your tootsies looking sweet. Put up your feet and pick up your spirits all at the same time.

I Prescribe: Odwalla Nourishing Food Bars

For: Virtuosity, deprivation, repentance

Prescriber’s Notes: Dieters trying to stay on track and keep New Year’s resolutions a little longer will need help. Odwalla bars are nutritious, yummy, and have no refined sugars! At a mere 220-250 calories per bar, they also fill you up. Odwalla’s yummy flavors will keep you from inhaling Oreos…most of the time.