I Prescribe: Secret Styler Templates

For: Artistic Frustration, Self Expression, High Maintenance

Prescriber’s Notes: Why just mow the lawn when you can do topiary? Don’t be boring. Personalize your personal grooming. Additional designs sold seperately.

I Prescribe: Diamond Ring Keychain

For: PMS, Impatience, Frustration

Prescriber’s Note: Subtlety is overrated. You’ve waited long enough for the bling. Why is it that some dudes never get the message. No mixed signals here. We’re looking for a certain level of commitment. You man enough? Look at it this way,  if it’s splitsville at least you get to keep the cute keychain.

I Prescribe: Throwboy Icon Pillows

For: Insomnia, MacEnvy, iAddiction

Prescriber’s Notes: Place between head and desk for maximum effect when using a PC. Not just ‘another place to lay your head’. Provides cushion for the blow.

I Prescribe: Dino Sandwich Maker

For: Frustration, Impatience, Boredom

Prescriber’s Notes: Feel like wringing your picky eater’s neck? Sick to death of cutting off crusts and coming up with sandwiches that they won’t turn their little noses up and declare yucky? What’s a mom to do? Use this handy sandwich cutter that makes a sandwich crustless and cuter in one fell swoop. At least they will play with their sandwich, even if they do not eat it.

I Prescribe: PlaSmart Plasma Car

For: Traffic frustration, bumper-car envy, hyper-competitive track racers

Prescriber’s Notes: Honestly, the most fun you will have indoors. Get a bunch and have races! It’ll probably trash your wood floors, but who cares when you can get a purple car!! Also available in red, yellow, blue, green, and pink – pink!!

I Prescribe: Epi-No

For: Maternal Preparation, Postpartum Recovery, Incontinence, Loneliness

Prescriber’s Notes: Practicing your kegels may not be as simple as we’ll have you to believe, but the difference is noticable. The Epi-No has been found to decrease the need for delivery medication, episiotomy and more. And post-partum, you’ll find sneezing to be a lot less a mess. Not to mention your bed-partner may be enthused with the results, especially as you compete with your own numbers to increase your strength.  <Sorry, American Citizens. I can only prescribe the EPI-NO to Canadians>

I Prescribe: Poptastic Electronic Bubble Wrap Popper

For: Frustration, Going to the DMV, Jury Duty

Prescriber’s Notes: We all know how once you start popping, it’s impossible to stop. Oh sweet release!  You pop and pop and pop in orgasmic frenzy until that sad sad moment comes when you are left with a shrivelled up, used up, flaccid sheet of plastic. Satisfied but not satiated. Don’t let this happen to you anymore! Wherever you are, whatever you are doing, you will be ready to pop. Pop till you drop!

I Prescribe: To Do Tattoos

For: Forgetfullness, Unreliability, Frustration induced by dealing with those with Short Term Memory Issues

Prescriber’s Notes: How many times has he forgot the milk? Do you just wish you could tattoo that damn to do list on his hand (or whereever else). Now you can! Forget the electronics. This effective memory jogging device also works for slacking-off students, sleep deprived moms, and hasty handy men. Make the world do you bidding, if you have to tattoo it on their foreheads!

I Prescribe: Jello Pudding Sugar Free Pudding Double Chocolate

For: Plateau – ing, Frustration, Unrequited hunger

Prescriber’s Notes: You’re fed up, but not ready to throw in the sweaty towel. Don’t self destruct. Get your chocolate fix and get back on the gym equipment. Next week the scale will be your friend again.

I Prescribe: La Perla Black Label

For: Fear you’ve been taken for granted, Frustration, Collisions with a Queen Bee

Prescriber’s Notes: La Perla knickers never get in a twist, do they? Whatever you’ve got going on, when you are wearing La Perla, you’ve got it going on. Work it.