I Prescribe: Coleman Portable Rechargeable Blender

For: Class Camping Trip Martyrs, Fear of the not so great outdoors, Picnics with inlaws

Prescriber’s Notes: Are you afraid to go where no Margarita can go? You can take it with you with this Coleman Blender. Bugzapper, Snakebite kit, and Satellite phone sold separately.

I Prescribe: Ghosthunter Store Equipment Kits

For: Paranormal issues, paranoia issues, getting your own ghosthunting reality show

Prescriber’s Notes: Who ya gonna call? You’ve poured salt around the perimeter of your house. You’ve done a smudging with a wad of burning sage. You’ve told them to go to the light, but they still riddle your home with cold spots and orbs! Find out exactly what they want and let those astral beings know that you mean business when your Ghosthunter Store Equipment Kit arrives. Don’t make me whip out my EMF detector, you unruly apparitions!

I Prescribe: Paddywax Travel Candles

For: Smell o phobia, Homesickness, Bathrooms

Prescriber’s Notes: Have you ever SMELLED a Motel room?  It’s about as pleasant as your powder room after your Father In Law has been in there for half an hour with the Sunday Paper. Arm yourself. You will never be sorry. Everyone needs a little protection from too much reality.