I Prescribe: DIY Hermes Bags

For: Cheapskates, Skinflints, Unfulfilled dreams

Prescriber’s Notes: Don’t let those dreams die on the vine. Now anyone with a pc and a printer can have an Hermes bag. Go to the Hermes site, click on US, then click “travel the world of Hermes”. Wait for the dude to fly around, and go to the orange side bar and click on “surprises”. Go to page 2 of “surprises” and click on the rainbow striped Kelly bag. It’s all scissors and glue from here. Work it!

I Prescribe: Handmade Schmura Matzoh

For: Affliction, Nostalgia, Jew-lousy, The runs

Prescriber’s Notes: There’s no bread of affliction like the Schmura Matzoh. So while you could cook up your own crackers, why not leave it to the pro’s who have been doing this for centuries. Sure the Seder’s big fun. But we guarantee that after only one week of dining on this stuff,  you’ll be ready ready to kvetch with the masters.

I Prescribe: Zipper Necklace

For: Getting your act together, rebellion, punk nostalgia

Prescriber’s Notes: You make cool look easy, you know that? It’s a little unfair really, since this may be your greatest success. But work it, with the ease of working a zipper. Everyone will copy you and by then you will have moved on. Who knows what you’ll wear next. Send the zipper necklace here when you’re done with it?

I Prescribe: Mop Top Hats by Zooniwear

For:  Somberness, Taking it too Seriously, Secret fear that your kids might not be the cutest on the planet

Prescriber’s Notes: You want empirical proof that your kids are the most adorable? Slap a Zooniwear hat on their head and snap a photo. Bam. You got your proof. The fact that this also works on schnauzers has nothing to do with it. These hats are simply irresistable, chock full of cute,silly,funny goodness. They should be standard issue.