I prescribe: Giant Microbes

For: Loneliness, Hypochondria, Paranoia

Prescriber’s notes: Sharing germs these days is so uncool (swine flu, anyone?), but these puppies make it hip again. Tell them they have bad breath in a “nice” way. Give someone the common cold! Or cuddle up with Gonorrhea….

I Prescribe: Poken

For: Loneliness, Unpopularity, Disconnection

Prescriber’s Notes: Business cards are SO last yr. And not so eco friendly. Plus it’s hard to cram your facebookfriendfeedmyspacetwitterlinkedin etc on there without looking like a total nerd. Which you’re clearly not. You’re on the cutting edge of social networking. You need to give yourself a high five. And let your Poken high five all your other geek cutting edge friend’s Pokens right back. Instant info exchange, no rolodex needed.

I Prescribe: Kama Sutra Chess Set

For: Players, Head Games, Lonely Chess Champions

Prescriber’s Notes: The games people play. Honestly. Note to future owner of this Chess set: Switch it out for something a little more classic and a little less porn before Grandma comes over.

I Prescribe: Rock N Rose Russian Matroyshka Doll Necklaces

For: Loneliness, Premature aging, Missing your BFF

Prescriber’s Notes: I’ll be Anastacia, you be Veronika. We’ll be BFF’s forever and ever and grow old together and our husbands will totally understand, cause they’ll be brothers. We’ll live next door to each other and have matching dogs…. Ok maybe Veronika moved to Vermont and her hubby hates your guts, and you’re too busy to walk a dog, even if your building allowed it. But you still miss your old BFF anyway. Get both necklaces. One for her, one for you