I Prescribe: CreepyDolls

For: protecting oneself from zombies

Prescribers Notes: Keep yourself safe from vampires and zombies when you sleep next to a CreepyDoll.  When ghouls gaze upon you, resting peacefully, vulnerable to attack, they will back off when they spot CreepyDoll, because it appears that she is already sucking your blood!  Worried that CreepyDoll will come to life and feast on your brains?  Don’t fret: CreepyDoll will never eat your brains, even if they do smell sooo delicious.

For: Alter Egos, Cling ons, Sisters, Codependent types

Prescriber’s Notes: It’s like you are two minds sharing one body at times. And that is so… annoying special. Nothing says “I love you, but bitch… get off my case already!” more than the gift of a two headed cat.

For: Tipsy Types, The Mayor of Spilltown, Oversharers

Prescriber’s Notes: Are you famous for tying one on and spilling all your stuff? Any by spilling, do we mean that your friends like to serve your wine to you in their toddler’s sippy cups? Go ahead and tell all but keep it off the rug this time. Remember Weebles? These are their drunk cousins.

I Prescribe: DIY Crocheted Childbirth Education Doll Pattern

For: Uber Creative Procreaters, Really Hip Grannies, Teen Health/Home Ec Combo Classes

Prescriber’s Notes: Why not combine your love of creation with a little procreation? Scare your teens senseless while teaching them a valuable life skill. Get your Grannie to give up on the doilies and make your kids a toy they will really play with.

I Prescribe: Holly Go Nightly Sleep Mask

For: Retail Overstimulation, Exhaustion, Sample Sale Burnout

Prescriber’s Notes: Rue La La, Billion Dollar Babes, Haute Look, Ideeli… the list goes on and on. Flowing into your inbox on a daily basis. Sale after sale after sale of fabulous stuff. You cannot look away. You cannot sleep. It’s almost as if you needed a pair of posh blinders. Done.

I Prescribe: Rainbow Travelling Coat by KatWise

For: Impromptu journeys, Kindergarten teachers, Not quitting your day job

Prescriber’s Notes: You may be stuck from 9-5, but evenings and weekends are all your own. Who knows? Things could change. Magic could exist. Doorways to mythical realms could open up and you’d be ready to make that leap. In the meantime, this jacket seizes the moment and will have fun loving admirers lining up behind you like you are the pied piper.

I Prescribe: Pea Tees from Conduct Happiness

For: Humorlessness, Sleep Deprivation, Anyone who has ever been to the ER with a toddler who shoved a pea up their nose.

Prescriber’s Notes: The puerile veggie/pee/pea humor and vintage style designs on these adorable kids tees and onesies are fairly irresistable, even when you haven’t had a decent night’s sleep in ages. Perhaps even more so. Someone send me a Pea in Bed tee? Please? This princess needs to pea in bed.  Bonus video below.

For: Picky Eaters, Grumpy Parents, Humorlessness

Prescriber’s Notes: It’s amazing how much more healthy food gets eaten when your food is presented as art and plaything, rather than the ticket to dessert. You don’t have to work all that hard to get creative with your kid’s food when you have these plates. A little spaghettin hair, some carrot lips, you get the picture. Now eat it!

Sure you could just just snork up any old bar in a pinch, but here at Popshopology we are about *precision* treatments. And we’re into chocolate. But not just any chocolate.

Little Debbie Swiss Rolls

For: Flat Tires and other unexpected calamities

Notes: You were on a roll and then you got a flat. Suddenly you are in a dark place, stranded, the middle of the night. How much worse could it get? You need the kind of reassurance in modern technology and food preservation techniques that is only sold in vending machines at all nite gas station quick marts. You’ll work it off/detox tomorrow. Caution: do not ingest with Cheetoes or other high fat salty snack! May cause nausea and self loathing if used improperly.

Cadbury MilK Bar

For: Disappointment, Rejection, Bad News

Notes: This British Milk Bar is perfect for those times when you are feeling like throwing yourself a pity party.  It’s at least as much about the sugar as it is about the chocolate. Cadbury has that perfect slow sugary melt-in-your-mouth consistancy that short circuits your depression cycle. At least while you’re eating it. The cocoa will hopefully contribute to your sense of wellbeing for a little longer. Side effects may include shakes, nausea and  sobbing due to subsequent sugar low. Use with caution.

Vosges Mix and Match Mini Chocolate Bars

For: Extenuating Circumstances, DIY Types

Notes: Sometimes you don’t know exactly what you need, but you know it involves chocolate. For those who like to dabble in alchemy and are not afraid of a little trial and error, we present the Vosges mix and match collection. Perhaps a little dark chocolate with bacon will get you over being dragged camping in the rain. Or some Habenero pepper chocolate will hit the spot when your boyfriends cute bff hits on you and you know you can’t have him. Spicy!

Dagoba Organic Chocolate

For: Corruption, Pollution, Self Righteous Chocolatification

Notes: It’s not a treat, it’s a public health issue. This is the chocolate to eat after getting a bogus parking ticket or when LA is burning. Perfect (in small doses) for pregnant moms too. This chocolate is so socially responsible it’s almost your duty to eat it. Perfect for getting stuck with jury duty too, incidentally. Have your chocolate and feel superior about it too!

Godiva Chocolates

For: Deprivation, Entitlement Issues, The Economy

Notes: You’ve given up your monthly highlights, weekly manicure and gas guzzling custom SUV. There’s talk of downsizing your handbag budget now and the maid is only coming every other week?! Oh honey, times are tough. You need a little treat. Make yourself feel a little more human. And posh. Go on. Look to the gold box.

Bloomsbury Chocolate Co.

For: General Emergencies, Maladies, Afflictions of any kind

Notes: Take two squares and call me in the morning. This humorous chocolate company has a wittily, prettily wrapped bar at the ready for just about any compromising situation you can think of – from the bedroom to the boardroom to beyond. They bring a tear to my eye in that they “get it”, they truly do. Bonus points for being funny. Retail therapy AND Chocolate therapy all in one? That’s making the world a better place!

Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups

For: Exasperation, Exhaustion, Motherhood

Notes: You know those days when the kids won’t stop whacking each other on the head, the dog craps in the living room, the garbage disposal backs up, your spouse is out of town and your mom calls to tell you that you don’t make enough healthy home cooked meals for her grandchildren?  Yeah. That’s why we have Halloween. So we can stockpile a sufficient stash of these to make it through the next six months. They work better if slightly smushed from storage and when consumed in a closet, bathroom or back porch when the kids are not looking. Use sparingly.

Got a Choco-Therapeutic recommendation for us? Please leave your favorite remedy for us in the comments below! We’ll be updating the Choco Pharmacopia in the months to come, and may want to include your chocolate retail therapy suggestions in our next edition!

For: Flat, embarassing hair, Low self esteem, Diminishing returns

Prescriber’s Notes: You had all these lofty goals but then this economy came along and rained on your parade. Well you know what we say: Tough times call for big hair! Take a note from the 80′s and get out your teasing combs. Thanks to these marvels of modern technology hair height is even easier to achieve. Now go follow your dreams. Your big idea might be the “As Seen On TV” Sensation.