I Prescribe: Baby Tattoos

For: Dedication, Revenge, Rebellion

Prescriber’s Notes: And your parents thought you were done pissing them off when you assumed the mantle of responsible adulthood and became a parent yourself? Nahhh! You were just getting fired up. We know you are sick of waiting for Jr to get enough hair for a mohawk. So why not embrace his baldness and place one of these tats right up on top of his noggin? Go for broke with parent/child matching tats. Ah, family!

I Prescribe: Breakfast Floss

For: Anorexia, Deprivation, Revenge

Prescriber’s Notes: We all know how rushed we can be in the morning. Now you can have your breakfast and take care of your dental health all at the same time. Finally, a way to have coffee without staining your teeth. Also great for your waistline. Living well through flavored floss is the best revenge.

I Prescribe: Newspaper Brick Maker

For: Bad Reviews, Pyromania, Revenge

Prescriber’s Notes: Sick of reading about everyone else’s successes? Ex getting married? Stock Market got you down (again)? Burn baby burn! It’s not necessarily good for the environment but it’s better than throwing the news away. And it’s sort of satisfying too. Bring on the bad news!

I Prescribe: Shocking Pen

For: Petty Theft, Revenge, Outrage

Prescriber’s Note: Do you find your pens all get lifted by fellow co workers or customers? You get attached to your pens, and rightly so. A good pen is a good friend indeed! But here’s a pen that no-one is getting attached to. Stick it on a clipboard and ask them to “sign it out” before borrowing.

I Prescribe: Louis Vuitton Monogram Vernis Heart Change Purse

For: Divorce Settlements, Gold Diggers, Revenge Shopping, Change

Prescriber’s Notes: They say laughter is the best medicine, and you, my dear can laugh all the way to the bank knowing that this change purse costs at least ten times more than the max amount of change it can carry. Sometimes change is good – a change of scene, a long overdue life change. Just don’t ever short change yourself. Love the change.

I prescribe: For Dogs Only Boutique Walking Bag

For: Irresponsibility, Mischief, Mortification

Prescriber’s Notes: Is preparation a problem for you? Do you regularly flee the scene of the crime when your pooch makes a poopy? Do you panic when you realize your kidlet did a job requiring some public displays of dirty diaper disposal? Perhaps you have no babies or dogs – just a mortal enemy that you’d like to surprise with a flaming gift on their front porch. Keep these bags handy and you will always be prepared!

I Prescribe: Fresh Cannabis Rose Eau de Parfum

For: Revenge, Flirting, Close calls with Commitaphobes

Prescriber’s Notes: If you think I’m sexy and you really want me… Take a freaking number! This is not a “fresh and clean like snowy alpine laundry” fragrance. This is a make them beg for it scent. Is it you or the Cannabis Rose? Who cares really. You don’t have to tell and they can’t have you. TTYL losahs!

*also useful for eliminating the competition.

I Prescribe: Christian Louboutin Mad Mary Janes

For: Frustration, Rejection, Bruised Egos

Prescriber’s Notes: So you were passed over for that promotion. Nixed for that part. You are sick of cooling your heels when you’d rather kick ass. Time for new shoes. Fierce shoes that are sure to get you noticed. Your day is coming and you’re not one to settle. Enough of being the good girl. Time to step on some toes. Worn by the likes of Madonna and Mischa Barton. No-one says no to the Mad Mary Janes!

I Prescribe: Chocolate Voodoo Doll

For: Exacting revenge and satisfying your sweet tooth

Prescriber’s Notes: Dealing with a difficult ex? Bite his head off without having to be anywhere near him. And eat it cause it’s yummy chocolate. If that’s not enough to make you all better, jab some pins in it too. Don’t forget to take the pins out before you eat the rest of the voodoo doll- but leave them in if you are letting your ex take a bite.